I read somewhere that a bad attitude can be fixed by writing out a thankful list. So I'm hoping this will help my struggling attitude and lack of life direction today.
1. For my God. I can at least know He is in control of everything.
2. Food. For strength. For comfort. For fun.
3. For Alex. He provides financially, emotionally, enthusiastically, honestly, and encourages me to pursue whatever I want.
4. For Adara and her enthusiasm to do everything with me. She always wants to be with me, and I never have to wonder if she loves me. She inspires me to love unconditionally.
5. For baby August. His smile is so sweet, and he really is an easy baby most of the time. Balancing two kids is one of the hardest things I've ever done, but he lights up when he sees me, and that's very encouraging.
6. For my extended family. For my mom, who drove us down to my brother's wedding. For my in-laws, who watch my kids while I try out different pursuits and encourage me when I'm struggling.
7. For my health. When people don't feel good, it's hard to imagine doing other productive things. Even though and discouraged because I'm not sure what I want to do, I am able to contemplate these options because I'm physically able to do them.
8.Grace. Adara says she's thankful for grace. From the mouth of babes for sure.
When asked: "What do you want your life to look like 5, 10, 20 years down the road?"
I don't know.
But right now my two year old wants to play "What color do you see?" So I'm going to stop ignoring her and do some soul-searching later.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
I just reviewed this blog to see if I could find anything I felt particularly passionate about. It was kind of fun to review. Some of my cares seemed like such a big deal, and they really weren't. I wonder if I'll look back years from now and think the same thing.
I feel I am at a crossroads. I can do whatever I want, and I have no idea what I want to do.
I thought about nursing. I took a CNA class and started working as a nurse aid. I'm seriously questioning this decision. I love the people with whom I work, but I really don't like what I'm doing. Maybe I could do it if I knew I was going to be doing a new job soon.
I've considered an MSW, but I'm not sure it's worth the time and money. I could get a BSN or even an RN, make just as much(or even more) money, and have the opportunity to become an FNP.
I briefly considered medical school, but didn't like all the unknowns. Plus I like spending time with my kids.
I then revisited being a stay-at-home mom, but I think that's the hardest option of all. I want to have some kind of career.
I thought about bar tending, because of the creativity and social aspect. But I barely drink, and I'm not sure I'd handle super late nights very well.
What do I love to do? I'm not even sure anymore.
I like to feel like I'm a part of something bigger than myself. I like practical solutions. I like to plan, and I like consistency. I like opportunities to be creative, but I also like boundaries. I'm and ESFJ personality for sure. I like job security.
I'll probably stick with nursing, but I've got to move up from nurse assistant. Maybe I can do organizing groups of people/nurses. That sounds like something I'd enjoy doing.
That's all. I have to process these thoughts somewhere or I won't be able to sleep tonight. And I need lots of sleep because I'm working 3 nights in a row. But after that I asked to be switched to evenings and I am! So that's encouraging. And that's all.