On Becoming a Home Owner

Whew. This past month has been crazy. I felt like we've been in limbo, just waiting to move out of our apartment.

Alex and I had talked about moving, but had planned to find a bigger place to rent. With our new precious baby, we had a lot of baby stuff, and were starting to feel cramped.

I had looked at houses a long time ago on homes.com, and received email updates with new houses in my search requirements. I saved the ones I liked, and even sent some on to Alex to show him the kinds of houses I would like to look at one day. He would sometimes reply what he also liked and didn't like.

Well, he saw one, and called me saying that we should consider buying it. We decided we were ready to commit to buying a house. Alex called about the one he liked, and I continued sifting through the options online. Here were my basic requirements: minimum three bedrooms, two bathrooms, preferable open floor plan, less than $100,000, and in a good neighborhood. A front porch and garage would be nice, but not necessary.

The real estate agent Alex contacted for one house ended up being our real estate agent for the rest of the search. He was very helpful, and had contacts for a house inspector, a termite inspector, and a lender. We used all of his resources, and weren't disappointed. The agent's name is David W. Graffius, and his number is (615) 300-1557, if you're in the middle Tennessee area and are looking for a house.

The first house we saw was right on a highway. It was an older brick house that was completely remodeled inside. It was beautiful. If it was down the side street, we would have put an offer on it. However, I really didn't like that it was on a major highway, and the backyard was minimal. We didn't write it off, but did continue looking in earnest.

The next house was the one which we fell in love. It is in a subdivision, has an open floor plan, a fenced in back yard, and a giant walk-in closet No front porch or garage, but it has a nice paved driveway and gorgeous windows. We wanted to stop looking and buy it right then. However, we planned to see a couple other houses, and asked Alex's dad to come look at this one.

We started packing that evening and the next.

A couple of days later the house passed the "dad inspection" and we were not impressed with the other house we saw. We told our agent we wanted to put on offer on the house we loved, and he came the next day with the paperwork. We signed a TON of paperwork, and Alex started talking to the lender and did some more paperwork.

Buying a house involves a lot of paperwork.

We had a number of offers and counter offers before coming to an agreement. We needed the seller to pay closing costs and we wanted a home warranty.  We ultimately agreed to pay a little more for the house so that they would pay more of the up-front costs. We filled out more paperwork for the loan, and waited for an official closing day.

The days seemed to drag by. We had half of our stuff packed, and were trying to pack the rest while still living in the apartment.

We finally heard last week that if our lender got the paperwork in by Friday, we would be closing on Tuesday! We tried to finish packing up as much as we could. With Adara, I am very thankful for the family who watched her while I worked on cleaning, organizing, and packing.

We signed the paperwork Tuesday at noon and started moving that afternoon. Alex's family pitched in to help us-Lacey watched Adara for us, Alex's dad and brothers made numerous trips back and forth to help us move all our boxes. We hired movers to come Wednesday morning to move our big stuff. Definitely worth it to us since we were moving from a third story apartment. We used "All My Sons" movers, and they were excellent. One guy picked up my wooden cabinet full of cans and flours and other heavy things like it was nothing. Alex said they just picked up the washer and dryer and carried them down the stairs. I was very impressed. We heard about them from our local Christian radio station, WayFM.

Alex turned in our apartment keys Wendesday afternoon, and we were officially out of the apartment.

The last few days we've been shopping for the essentials. The house had no appliances, and the closets were missing most of the shelves. An investment company bought the house when it was a foreclosure, and then resold it to us. We had a lot of fun picking stuff out, but it was kind of stressful, especially for Adara. We took her with us, but all this change has been overstimulating for her. We usually left the store with a crying baby.

This house feels more like home than our apartment every did. Being in the apartment reminded me of staying in a hotel, only bigger. This feels like a place we'll stay for a while-which is good, since we have a large note on the house now! This was definitely worth all the trouble, but I hope we don't move again for a long time! It's expensive to move, and it is a lot of work! We still have quite a bit of unpacking to do, but I'm enjoying the process.

Welcome home:

Two Month Appointment

Despite the crazy weather, we made it to Adara's appointment on time. She weighs just over 11 pounds, and is 22.5 inches long. She's growing right on track :)

I fed Adara while we waited in the room. Adara was happy, awake, and alert.

I asked Samantha Mulder, a.k.a. "Sam", a couple questions. I asker her about the whole co-sleeping thing. She said that she looks at world-wide studies. She said that co-sleeping is fine as long as it is a non-smoking, healthy weight parent of the baby. She said that it can be beneficial, and even encourages breastfeeding. I also asked her about her personal opinion on birth control. She asked when I would want to be fertile again, and I said maybe in about a year. She suggested an IUD, as it would be an easy, no stress year. So we'll see what we end up doing in the long run.

She check Adara from head to toe, showed me growth charts, and said she's perfect. She told me I was free to finish feeding Adara in the room, so I did.

Afterwards I met up with my friend Freya at Whole Foods for lunch. She had a baby boy a month and a half before Adara, and we hadn't seen each other since we had our babies! We had a fun time catching up and sharing experiences.

Up until a couple of nights ago, Adara had been sleeping from 11pm ish to around 5am ish. The past few nights, though, she's started going to sleep around 10:15pm, then waking up around midnight to eat, and then again around 5am to eat, and then around 7:30 am. Adara and I have recently figured out how to breastfeed while laying down, so feeding more frequently at night actually hasn't been that bad! Yay for co-sleeping!

Sleeping arrangements

"Is she a good sleeper?" Well, that depends....

I admit it: We let Adara sleep in our bed. She sleeps cuddled up right next to me. Last night, she slept over 6 consecutive hours! She stirred some around 3am, but then fell back asleep. That's the beauty of having her right next to me: She just falls asleep again if she wakes up a little, because I'm her automatic comfort.

A few times we tried putting her in her bed beside us and just comforting her with rocking or my hand touching her. So far, we've slept much better with her right beside me. We decided that  at this time, we  value getting sleep more than trying to get her to sleep in her own bed.

After reading so much before having Adara about SIDS and not having the baby in bed with you, I was surprised to find that  "sleep-sharing" is more common that I'd thought. We have friends who also have a little girl who will only sleep next to Mom, and even Dr. Sears has an article addressing the issue. Dr. Sears was recommended to me by a friend, and I only wish I'd read more before giving birth. It is reassuring to read that it is actually okay (and in some cases, beneficial) to have my baby sleep right next to me.

Someday we do want to have her sleep in her own bed and be on some kind of consistent schedule, but for now, I'm not going to worry about it too much. (Of course, right now she's sleeping beautifully in her bed right next to the closet where she can hear the heater humming away.)

Anyone have similar experiences? What worked/didn't work for you?

Decision changed

I took one of my progestin-only pills before reading the fine print with the medication. After reading the insert, we realized that if I did happen to get pregnant while taking this pill, the risk is slightly higher that it could be an ectopic pregnancy (when the baby is implanted outside the uterus and can't survive). If that were to happen while I was taking the pill, I would be absolutely crushed. I can't imagine knowing that I had a tiny baby inside of me, and he or she couldn't continue living because of the kind of birth control I was taking. It isn't worth the risk. So in case any of y'all wanted to know about our birth control decisions, here's the update.

My Recovery Story

First, I want to say that I would not have made it through the birthing process naturally without my support team. Thanks again to Alex, my mom, and Alex's mom who were with me every step of the way. Second, Alex and I would have had a rough time without the support of our family and friends who came the first couple weeks after Adara was born.

The first couple of weeks I couldn't hardly walk. When we first came home from the hospital, Alex carried Adara in her carrier to our apartment, and then helped me up the stairs to our third story apartment. He basically carried me up the steps. I had some pain from my episiotomy, but I'd been given plenty of numbing medication. My abdominal muscles were incredibly sore from pushing. I've never been so sore in my life. I've run a half-marathon, and that was nothing compared to this. Showering was refreshing, but I could barely get in and out of the shower by myself. I walked when I needed to, but it was a struggle. Alex helped me get in and out of our bed to sleep. When I sat down, I stayed there until I needed to get up again. I took acetaminophen or ibuprofen once a day for the first few days when I absolutely needed it.

The first couple of nights were also rough because Adara would cry and cry and we couldn't figure out why. During the second night we realized that she was becoming dehydrated and remedied the problem. I'm saving my thoughts on breastfeeding for a whole different post.

We received a lot of much needed support in the first few weeks. My mom stayed the first few nights with us, and I'm forever grateful for her help. Because of my limited ability to move, someone needed to take care of Adara and also take care of me. She cooked food for us, washed our dishes, did our laundry, and helped out however we needed. She held Adara for a couple of hours so that Alex and I could both get sleep. 

More than once Allison brought us home made food, and also brought us some fast food when we realized last minute that we had no food for dinner. She also brought Alex's work clothes with her to be ironed and then returned. She's also watched Adara a number of times so that Alex and I can both get out of the house. We received many other visitors with meals and words of encouragement. 

During this whole time, I still felt like a mess. By the third or fourth day, I started crying. Alex was wonderful and made me some signs saying things like, "Calista is the best mommy ever! Alex and Adara love her so much!" and put them up around our apartment. They are still up, and I smile every time I see them.

By Thanksgiving, almost a week after having Adara, I was back to my weight when I first found out I was pregnant. I was excited, but also exhausted. I enjoyed being with my in-laws for Thanksgiving lunch. My sis-in-laws looked at me worriedly because I was walking funny and super slow, and I assured them that not everyone's recovery is as rough as mine. I started crying in the early afternoon because I was so tired. I took a nap in my sis-in-law's room, and then Alex took us home for the rest of the day.

By the third week I was still feeling sore, but did see some progress every single day. When Alex and I walked around Walmart to get Christmas decorations, I was the slowest walker in the whole store. I called the doctor's office to see if me being so sore was a problem. The nurse that I talked to said it was pretty normal, and also said that being dehydrated can make me feel worse. After that I drank more water and noticed a significant improvement. I even stopped bleeding by the fourth week.Unfortunately, by Christmas "Aunt Flo" had decided to come visit. I was hoping that breastfeeding would have keep this delayed a bit longer, but it was not to be. Bummer.

My six week appointment was today.  I brought our Christmas card and my doctor put it up on the board with all the other baby pictures. I weighed in at 124 pounds (about ten pounds less than when I first found out I was pregnant), which is how much I usually weigh when I eat healthy and exercise. My temperature and blood pressure are great. Doctor says I'm completely healed! I had a PAP smear and shouldn't need to come back for another year. Because I did start back on my cycle, I am starting the progestin-only pill. Doctor said this is a safe option while breastfeeding. I love having Adara, but I'd like to be able to wait a little while before having another tiny baby.

Tomorrow I'm going to go grocery shopping, and plan to carry up all the jugs of water by myself. I don't have much strength or endurance yet, and want to be able to run around with my child when she gets to that point. I'm so incredibly excited about everything we're experiencing, and what God has for our future!

The End and The Beginning

This time last year:

I was thinking about quitting my job and had recently discussed having a baby in the near future. We were still paying off our Escape, and had a minimal amount in savings. We were eating whatever  we felt like, but didn't feel super great. We had just started working at the church with Alex as the Youth Pastor. 

Over the past year:

My last day of work was in the beginning of February, and I found out I was expecting in the beginning of March. We paid off our Escape and took a trip to Disney in February. We reached our halfway point for our savings goal. I started a diet due to a gestational diabetes diagnosis. We have a beautiful baby girl, who is sleeping soundly on me as I type this. We've been at the church for over a year, and are building relationships. 


Goals for next year:

I've been reading through Hebrews, and our pastor has been preaching on the book for the Sunday night service. I've based some goals on this book. With scripture as the basis for goals, we will be more focused on His will.

Hebrews 10:22-23 " let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed in pure water. ²³ Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."

1. Make time with God my #1 priority. As soon as I have a quiet moment in the morning, that time is Bible and prayer time. Even if I have an incredibly messy house, God time comes first.

2. Get reading! I have a number of books  that I want to read, but haven't. TV is something that has dominated my time, when I could just as easily be reading a book. I would like to finish one book a month. So, I plan to have 12 books finished by the end of the year. I think this goal is attainable for me.

Hebrews 12:12-13 "¹² Therefore strengthen your tired hands and weakened knees, ¹³ and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed instead."

3. Food and Physical activity-okay, so this may be a little bit of a stretch with the verses, but I know that when we exercise and eat healthier, Alex and I do a much better job as children of God, spouses, parents, and friends. Therefore, I want to start walking and strength exercising more often. I'm going to need to incorporate holding a baby for a lot of it. I could do squats while I'm bouncing her...not 100% sure how this is going to pan out yet. 

Food: Gluten is in EVERYTHING-even my jar of mixed nuts was processed in a place that also does wheat. I realized that trying to avoid it altogether was stressing me out more than just eating it every now and then. I'm going to focus on eating lots of fruits and veggies, plenty of protein, and then not stress out of there's a little gluten in our diet. We're also only going to have dessert once a week, and most likely when we are hanging out with other people-that's when we are most tempted to have sweet treats.

Hebrews 13:1-2 " Let brotherly love continue. ² Don’t neglect to show hospitality, for by doing this some have welcomed angels as guests without knowing it. "

4. Hospitality: I want to plan meals so that if extra people show up for dinner, I won't be stressed out. I need to plan so that leftovers aren't necessary, but still have enough to have extra if needed. My plan is to have a lunch plan that doesn't go bad right away as a back up plan if we don't have leftovers. I want our house to always be a place where people are welcome.

Hebrews 13: 5,16 "Your life should be free from the love of money. Be satisfied with what you have, for He Himself has said, I will never leave you or forsake you... Don’t neglect to do what is good and to share, for God is pleased with such sacrifices."

5. We will write out a budget for every  month (which Alex already does) and we will stick to it. We will use cash accordingly (usually spending and grocery). We will give to our local crisis pregnancy center above our tithe. We will also reach our savings goal of 3-6 months of expenses by the end of the year.


My final goal is to pray continually. So often I forget who is really in control, and try to take charge myself. I want our house to be a place of learning, and I want Adara to learn what is most important.

Adara Grace: A birth story

I wake up Thursday feeling the best I had in months. Grocery shopping is a breeze. I stock up on all the food I thought we would need, and feel prepared for Adara to come at any time. When I get home, I start on a cookie recipe that were dubbed "Labor Cookies." I eat a couple of them, and also have a burger covered in hot sauce. That night Alex and I meet up with his sister Julia and her crew to see the last of the Twilight movies at 10pm. We get home about midnight and go to sleep.

I'm not feeling too great. I get up a couple times to use the restroom, which isn't unusual for me. I finally wake up around 5am and feel the need to go to the bathroom again. While in there, I heard a pop, and then felt a gush coming out of me. I first question what it really is, but when it won't stop, I realize, "That must be my water breaking! We're going to have the baby in the next 24 hours!"

I walk into the  bedroom and say, "Alex, I need you! My water just broke!" We check the time-5:15am, and then try to decide what to do. I don't feel any contractions right away, so we call our parents and then the on-call number for the doctor. The on-call person says that if my water has broken, to go to the hospital. Both our moms say that I probably don't need to be in a hurry. My mom encourages me to take a shower and get some breakfast. I get in the shower and start to feel some contractions. They aren't painful, but I can tell that they are contractions. We realize that they are already coming a couple of minutes apart, so we decide to go ahead and go to the hospital. I am feeling a little queasy, so I opt out of breakfast. We finish packing up and headed to the hospital.

We get to the hospital, park, and start walking to the fourth floor. I want to walk as much as I can. On the way, I  stop during the contractions, and then keep walking in between them. We make it to the fourth floor and I say with a smile that my water had broken. Apparently that night was a popular night to give birth, because we get the last open room on Labor and Delivery. We get into our room between 6:15 am and 6:30 am. Unfortunately, this is right before a nurse shift change. One nurse comes in and says something about hooking me up to an IV. I explain that I wasn't going to have an IV, and ask if she would look at our birth plan. She asks if we have checked with our doctor, something about the IV being mandatory for liability reasons, and that she was leaving in 15 minutes. She also said something about how she had her baby all natural, but that she had hers at Vanderbilt. Apparently it had been a long night at the hospital. This does not help me relax. We also realize that we left the multiple copies of my birth plan sitting on the bed at home. We did have it saved as a google document, so Alex prints copies and brings them back to our room.

The new shift nurse comes and is wonderful. She sits down and reads through our birth plan, explaining how that would work practically for all of us. She says she adopts all of the women who are under her care for the day. She explains that she will only check me every couple of hours until I am at a 5, and then every hour after that. She checks me and says I am a four, but then says a "loose three" so that it will seem like I progressed more the next time she checked me. I agree to get a Hep Lock just in case, and agree to have Pitocin after Adara is born to help my uterus contract. The nurse tries once to get my vein and it doesn't work.  She says she has a "one stick rule" and calls the anesthesiologist to do it. He does, but it hurts, and temporarily distracts me from my contractions. The nurse tells me that all the anesthesiologists are good, but this one who put the Hep Lock in is the best. She said that she knows I'm not getting an epidural, but if I was, he's the best. This is comforting to me, as I don't know entirely what to expect in the coming hours.

Both my mom and Alex's mom arrive early in the morning around the same time. Allison times my contractions as they come-they are still about two minutes apart and last about 30 seconds. They are slightly painful, but not bad at all. I am prepared for a long day at the hospital. Twice I go to use the restroom, as the nurse told me that a full bladder makes the contractions feel worse. The second time I stay in for some time, since the contractions are getting stronger and closer together. I can hear Alex, Allison, and my mom talking in the other room, discussing how the labor seems to be going faster than expected.

The rest is somewhat of a blur. I am thankful that my mom wrote down some of the times and events. At 9:15 am I am checked again and am at 5cm. Contractions continue to get worse. I hang onto Alex, standing on my knees on the bed. I put all my weight on him during the contractions, trying to relax. I picture the contractions pushing the baby out of me. I close my eyes and just try to relax and breathe. I can tell that I am wearing Alex out, and both of us are drenched in sweat. The nurse encourages me to work with gravity and sway my hips, so I do. She puts counter pressure on my lower back, and this also helps. At some point I switch to leaning on my yoga ball-we put it up on the bed and I hug it. It helps, but the contractions are feeling really painful. They intermittent monitoring is not working for me. The nurse tries to do 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off, but I can hardly stand to have the monitor on me for more than a few minutes. The nurse comes in to check me again. It hurts to be on my back, and I have only a small window to turn over for them to check me. At 10 am she announces that I am at 7 cm. I am encouraged that I am progressing. I am much louder than I thought I would be. The nurse tell me not to holler through my contractions, but to breathe. My mom encourages me to keep breathing. I try to focus on the switch on the back wall. The pain during the contractions are intense, and it takes all my focus to get through the next one. I keep thinking I should get a break, but the contractions keep coming one after another. At one point I say that I never want to do this again. I also remember mentally questioning my decision to labor without pain medication. My mom reminds me that when I feel like I can't do this anymore, that's when I am almost done. Allison calls the nurse in to check me again. The nurse tells me that I have to turn over for her to check me, and I tell her I don't think I can. I finally do and she announces at 10:45am that I am at a 9-10, and should be able to push soon. I cry out "Yes!" and am relieved that this will all be over soon.

According to my mom, I start pushing around 11:08am. The doctor convinces me to turn over to push. They angle the bed up and prop my feet on the stands. My mom, Alex, and Allison surround and support me. Both the doctor and nurse are very encouraging during the pushing. Someone asks the doctor how long it will be, and she says something about 15 minutes. I know I'm supposed to breathe during the pushing, but I only breathe through them a few times. I end up holding my breath and pushing-I feel like I can push better that way. The doctor encourages me to hold onto my legs while pushing, so I do. Here's my mom's account:

"We begin to see hair and a bit of her head, but then she would slide back up the birth canal. After 15-20 minutes of pushing, the doctor is a bit concerned but keeps telling Calista what an excellent pusher she is. She rested between pushes. Dr. is concerned after 45-50 minutes of pushing. Suggests possibility of C-section, and that maybe the shoulder was the trouble. Calista pushes again. When Calista pushes again, doctor cuts episiotomy and here came Adara! The little girl had her hand up by her head, that that's what made the pushing stage slower."

When the doctor mentions cutting me, I respond "Just get her out. I don't care anymore, just get her out." At some point during the pushing they bring out the mirror. My mom encourages me to look so that I can see her coming. I can hardly focus on pushing, let along look to see what was going on. Near the end of the pushing I start hyperventilating, and the nurse gives me oxygen. This helps me calm down some and finish pushing. Adara comes out and I hear her cry as soon as I see her. The nurse immediately puts her on my chest. She's beautiful. She's perfect. I'm so relieved to be done. Nurse says something about giving me Pitocin to help my uterus contract. I don't care. She's out-I don't care what they do to me know. The doctor explains that my placenta is about to come out. I can feel it coming, but this it painless. Doctor stitches me up after giving me a local anesthetic. Every check from the nurse says Adara is great. I'm so relieved. I keep saying, "I'm so glad it's over! I don't have to labor or push anymore!" A nurse weighs her and cleans her. Lots of pictures and congratulations. I say something about only being able to do this by God's grace. They keep us in labor and delivery for a couple more hours before moving us to the Mother-Baby room. We are checked on routinely, and are home by 2:30 pm the next day. I am still very weak and can hardly walk, but I am so happy to have our daughter and be home.

Adara Grace Barberi. Born November 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm. 7.3 ounces and 19.5 inches long.  Praise God for a healthy little girl and a good, fast delivery!