I feel happy.
As I thought about this small statement that has run continually through my head this evening, I began to realize the heavy significance behind it: I FEEL...
Tonight I went to Kelli's bridal shower. I was honestly nervous, because I had not seem some of these girls in some time, and was not sure of my emotional response to seeing them. However, it was such a pleasant time, and I had nothing to worry about. I found myself being drawn to the women and girls in the room, allowing myself to emotionally connect with these friendly people.
I was also nervous to move to Columbia, where I knew a couple of well-meaning families. As I have spent more time around my new family and friends, I have also felt welcome, loved, and a newborn desire to love back.
I remember when I strongly felt my calling in life to connect and show God's love to others. I wanted to show the love that I felt.
This past year has really been a strange year for emotions. For a while I felt mostly nothing, then I felt timid excitement, then committed to doing right. I sometimes felt sad and frustrated because I could not feel the deep emotional connection that I had in the past. I wanted to connect, and was terrified to feel hurt. It has been a year of healing and learning and rebuilding.
I feel excited that God has these relationships in my life. I have such wonderful family and friends surrounding this new life. These relationships are safe, and challenge me to do what is right and good.
Feelings should not control life by any means, but it's so good to feel love.