We've reached nine weeks, according to my online pregnancy reminders. I think I'm supposed to be taking pictures, but I haven't yet. The "this is me when you can't really tell" pictures, to compare to the impending "this is me looking like I'm about to pop" picture.
I feel a lot of mixed emotions at this state. I don't feel pregnant plenty of times. I feel fine, and then I worry about not feeling sick. I tried to get a different doctor (one that I had heard a lot of good things about) only to find out that she is not accepting new patients at this time. The nurse who called me was very nice and reassuring, but I started to feel like I had to figure everything out on my own.
Then my wonderful husband told me that perhaps God is telling us that we already have a good doctor. He also reminded me that God is in control of everything, including our baby. He told me that everything is fine. I needed to hear that.
I've been doing research about midwives, natural births, having meds during labor, having a doula, etc. While is is all fascinating, it is also terrifying. I kept thinking, what if I make the wrong decision? What if I think I'm doing something wrong, and our precious child is born with a giant bruise on its head, or a broken bone, or isn't breathing because of the birthing choice that I made?
Deep breath. Remember, God is in control. He told us not to worry. Worrying does not help.
So I'm going to keep praying. I'm going to keep researching. I'm going to remember that I cannot do this on my own, and I need God's grace live the way He has called me to live.